FOUR AIMS CENTER

Relationship

and

Couples Counseling

One thing is certain: if we want to exist with a certain amount of peace and happiness, we have to learn to inter-relate well.  This Relationship page corresponds to the First Aim of life, called dharma. Dharma is a very popular word these days, but it is a fairly complex principle, and translated with different emphases according to different traditions. For our purposes, we think of dharma as the adherence to natural law, with certain common sense observances that must be practiced in order to stay aligned with the Universal Order.   This is very good news in terms of relationship, because having some "do's and don'ts" for relating makes it easier when looking at our actual behavior, and how to make some concrete changes.  The more conscious we are in all our relationships, the smoother life can flow. That’s why we focus our First Aim on Relationships per se, as their importance is paramount in maintaining healthy, productive, and deeply satisfying lives.

• The Emotionally Focused Connection, to up one's emotional intelligence, and learn to feel-express-trust your own emotions, as well as receive your partner's emotional truths and experiences
  
  
• Raising your level of Differentiation: within highly charged or emotional situations, being able to stay true to and focused on your own experience without being pulled into your partners experience  or reactivity
  

• Understanding and learning to work with your different Communication Styles

• Building negotiation skills
  
  
• Body-oriented exercises: to consciously sense what is happening internally, so that you can respond from a "I position," which promotes a more fulfilling type of relating
  
  
• Consciousness and control of the "4 Horseman of the Apocalypse:"  curtailing defensiveness and criticism; not engaging in contemptuous or stonewalling behavior (not going to the "cutoff")

• Developing the ability to stand in your partner's shoes; to sense and feel what it must be like for them; developing compassion in the midst of your differences
  

"The 3-D Work for Couples:"

Discovering One's Relationship Story
Defining Differentiation
Deepening Intimacy and Sexuality

Many people know that their primary intimate relationship needs a lot of time and energy, but few truly understand how and why relationships "go south" when not attended to. Has something slipped in your relationship? Do you fight too much, or not enough? Have you simply stopped connecting like you used to? Do you sense there is so much more to explore as a couple, but you have no idea what it could be or how to go about it?

Kat helps couples discover and define the main relationship issues or themes, which come up again and again, and teaches you how to begin making shifts in the way you relate, in the moment!  We start with uncovering subconscious patterns from your Family of Origin that entrench you in rigid opinions about "what's right" (and which keep you from truly cherishing one another). We examine how relationships are defined by Power, and what to do about it' explore how humans in relationship are primarily emotional beings, and how to relate well to our own "emotional body."   Learn how to inquire into your perceptions, emotions, beliefs (discovery process), receive your feelings, manage unreasonable or difficult emotions, and engage yourself and your partner with healthy emotional expression.

Some of the very "grown-up" subjects we tackle are:

The Basics of Connecting:
Enlivened, Aligned and Accountable

Working one-one one with Kat, over five 1.5-hour sessions.
Perfect for those in the early-to-mid stages of relationship, and for pre-marital concerns.

The time comes when every couple needs to understand and practice The Basics of Connecting, as there's much to learn when it comes to relating beyond the first blush of romance, and staying connected, alive and on track.  First, there not only are tools but definite processes one can learn to become more aligned as a couple, and more available to self and partner. This is the major work of any relationship. Becoming a more compassionate, giving partner usually requires a radical shift in thinking and self-examination, and "upping" one's emotional congruency and expression. These are practices that are not often taught, as our culture tends to neglect emotional expression and differentiation. Then there is the question of follow though: devising a way to check for accountability in relationship is almost as important as the tools practiced, so "Accountability check-ins" are included in the final session.

Cost: reduced rate for consecutive weeks--$700 per couple