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One thing is certain: if we want to exist with a certain amount of peace and happiness, we have to learn to inter-relate well. This Relationship page corresponds to the First Aim of life, called dharma. Dharma is a very popular word these days, but it is a fairly complex principle, and translated with different emphases according to different traditions. For our purposes, we think of dharma as the adherence to Natural Law, with certain Observances that must be practiced in order to stay aligned with the Universal Order. This is very good news in terms of relationship, because having some "do's and don'ts" makes it easier when looking at our actual behavior in relationship, and how to make some concrete changes. The more conscious we are in all our relationships, the smoother life can flow. That’s why we focus our First Aim on Relationships per se, as their importance is paramount in maintaining healthy, productive, and deeply satisfying lives.
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Couples Counseling
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to actually focus on one's own self growth, Kat guides couples to examine specific, important ways they've built their relationship, see what is not working, and learn tools to create lasting change in inter-relating. The sooner a couple can
get over the need to find fault with the other ("I'm not happy
because he doesn't show me his true feelings"), the sooner we can
get to the deeper core issues, stemming from each individual's family
of origin. From there, each partner learns to "widen the lens" through which they are seeing their partner and the relationship, to examine their needs and wants and opinions, and create more space for their partner to come forth. Also, through body-oriented exercises, Kat leads couples to feel, express and receive what is happening internally, so that richer, more fulfilling relating can ultimately occur.
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The Work for Couples: Deepening the Emotionally Focused Connection
Many
people know that their primary intimate relationship needs alot of time
and energy, but few truly understand how and why relationships "go
south" when not attended to. Has something slipped in your
relationship? Do you fight too much, or not enough? Have you simply
stopped connecting like you used to? Do you sense there is so much
more to explore as a couple, but you have no idea what it could be or
how to go about it?
Kat helps couples discover and define the main relationship issues or themes, which come up again and again,
and teaches couples how to begin making shifts in the way they relate, in the
moment! Humans in relationship are primarily emotional beings, yet so
few of us know how to relate well from our "emotional body." Learn how
to engage yourself and your partner with one's emotional
expression. Uncover hidden loyalties or unconscious patterns from
your Family of Origin that keep you from truly cherishing one another. Learn how most relationships are defined by Power, and what to do about it.
Some of the very "grown-up" subjects we tackle are:
- Building a personal "container:" committing to a relationship with your Self, as well as the duo
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Couples' developmental cycles: understanding the normal flow of intimate relationship over time
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Emotional expression: how to share your truest feelings without blaming or coercing your partner
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Relationship
deadeners--the sure-fire ways we douse love's flame (including
Gottmann's "Four Horsemen"), and how to keep them at bay!
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Differentiation: how to remain true to yourself when in a charged emotional situation
- Understand how the Power dynamics show up in your relationship, and what needs to shift.
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Couples
Counseling
can be both energizing and very hard work, and for not just the couple
but the therapist, as well! Kat has found that one hour sessions
are rarely long enough; just when both parties have had a chance to air
their concerns, the hour is over before getting to the real work.
Preferring (but not restricted to) 1.5 hour
sessions, Kat also likes to get couples out of their chairs and
relating physically, energetically and emotionally.
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You may contact Kat to schedule a free 30 minute consultation (in person or on the phone), to see if the work she does is the right fit for you.
For more information on Intimacy Training, including working with the emotions and shadpw material, the following website on the Moseley Method, developed by two of Kat's teachers, contains a lot of valuable material about Couples work:
http://www.intimacytraining.com
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The Basics of Connecting:
Enlivened, Aligned and Accountable
Working one-one one with Kat, over five 1.5-hour sessions.
Perfect for those in the early-to-mid stages of relationship.
The time comes when every couple needs to understand and practice The Basics of Connecting, as there's much to learn
when it comes to relating beyond the first blush of romance, and staying connected, alive and on track. First, there not only are
tools but definite processes one can learn to become more aligned as a couple,
and more available to self and partner. This is the major work of any
relationship. Becoming a more compassionate, giving partner usually requires a radical shift in thinking and self-examination, and "upping" one's emotional congruency and expression. These are practices that are not often taught, as our culture tends to neglect emotional expression and differentiation. Then there is the question of follow though: devising a way to check for accountability in relationship
is almost as important as the tools practiced (issue of Justice and Fairness), and so we include "Accountability check-ins" in the final session.
Many of the tools we'll learn are listed in the "Intensive Work" below. To get all your questions answered,
please call Kat directly at 206-650-7449.
Cost: reduced rate--$600 per couple
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